Insecurity doesn’t always begin with strangers.
Sometimes, it starts at home.
Sometimes, it grows quietly through advertisements, casual comments, and long-held beliefs that are passed down without being questioned.
For years, I didn’t think I was insecure. I thought I was just “being realistic” about how I looked.
My facial structure, my skin tone, my body, my voice all of it felt like something that needed improvement.
Not because I hated myself consciously, but because I had absorbed the idea that looking a certain way made life easier.
It took time, reflection, and a lot of unlearning to understand that my insecurity wasn’t personal at all.
It was inherited.
How Beauty Standards Plant Insecurity Early
Indian beauty standards are outdated, yet incredibly powerful.
Fair skin, sharp features, a specific body type these ideas have been repeated for decades through movies, advertisements, and even family conversations.
Fairness cream ads are a perfect example.
They don’t just sell products; they sell the idea that success, love, and respect are unlocked only after becoming lighter.
When young girls grow up seeing this message repeatedly, insecurity becomes almost inevitable.
This is where colorism in India quietly begins, not in loud discrimination, but in subtle repetition.
I’ve seen this play out in real life.
A close friend of mine has struggled for years simply because of her dark complexion. Not because she lacks confidence or intelligence but because society keeps reminding her that her skin tone is something to be fixed.
In one heartbreaking instance, a marriage proposal was rejected solely because the girl was “too dark.” No conversation about values, compatibility, or character. Just skin color.
That’s when it becomes clear: this isn’t about beauty.
It’s about conditioning.
Choosing to Show Up as I Am
At some point, I got tired of performing beauty.
I stopped worrying so much about how my face looked from certain angles.
I started using no filters not because filters are bad, but because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable without them.
For the first time, I wasn’t trying to convince anyone that I looked “presentable.”
I simply existed as I was.
When Support Comes Unexpectedly
One of the most reassuring moments in this journey came unexpectedly. After sharing my thoughts on beauty standards publicly, I received a kind response from Dolly Singh.
It may seem small, but moments like these matter. Seeing someone who has built a successful career by being unapologetically herself acknowledge your voice is powerful.
It reinforces the idea that confidence doesn’t come from fitting into a mold, it comes from rejecting it.
Dolly Singh doesn’t represent traditional beauty ideals, yet her presence is strong, her voice is heard, and her individuality is her strength. That example stays with you.
Colorism in India: The Quiet Violence We Normalize
Colorism in India is often disguised as concern.
“Stay out of the sun.”
“Use this cream, it’ll make you glow.”
“She’s pretty, but dark.”
These statements are so common that we stop questioning them. But their impact runs deep. They teach women to associate lightness with worth and darkness with disadvantage.
The reality is that colorism in India affects marriage prospects, career confidence, and even how women see themselves in mirrors.
When society constantly treats fair skin as an achievement, darker skin becomes a burden people feel they must compensate for through behavior, success, or silence.
The problem isn’t dark skin.
The problem is how it has been framed.
Health, Body Changes, and Letting Go of Control
Self-acceptance becomes even harder when your body changes for reasons beyond your control.
Living with hypothyroidism brought changes I didn’t ask for bloating, weight fluctuations, even changes in my voice.
For a long time, I saw these changes as personal failures. I felt like my body was betraying me.
But slowly, I realized something important: my body wasn’t working against me. It was trying to survive, adapt, and function.
Choosing acceptance didn’t mean I stopped caring about my health. It meant I stopped punishing myself for things I couldn’t fully control.
I learned to treat my body with patience instead of resentment.
That shift changes everything.
Redefining “Kali”: From Insult to Power
One of the most painful words many dark-skinned girls hear growing up is “Kali.” It’s often used casually, sometimes jokingly, but it carries years of shame.
At some point, I decided to reframe it completely.
Instead of hearing weakness, I began associating “Kali” with Kali Maa, fierce, powerful, unapologetic. A symbol of strength, not something to shrink away from.
Words only have power when we accept the meaning assigned to them. When we redefine them, we take that power back.
Dark is not dull.
Dark is not lesser.
Dark is strong, grounding, and bold.
What Self-Acceptance Really Means
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you wake up every day loving every part of yourself. That’s unrealistic.
It means:
Not letting others define your worth
Not postponing your life until you “fix” yourself
Showing up even on days you feel unsure
True beauty isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about how you carry yourself when no one is applauding.
When you stop fighting who you are, you create space for confidence to grow naturally.
Choosing Yourself, Every Day
The hardest part of unlearning beauty standards is consistency.
Society doesn’t stop reinforcing them just because you’ve become aware.
But every time you choose comfort over approval, authenticity over validation, and self-respect over silence, you weaken those standards a little more.
You don’t owe the world a palatable version of yourself.
You owe yourself honesty, kindness, and the freedom to exist without apology.
And that far more than any feature is what makes you powerful.
FAQs
What is colorism in India?
Colorism in India refers to discrimination or bias based on skin tone, where fair skin is often valued more than darker skin in social, cultural, and marriage contexts.
How does colorism affect women’s confidence?
Colorism can create long-term insecurity by linking worth, beauty, and success to skin tone rather than character or ability. Over time, this deeply affects self-esteem.
How can someone start practicing self-acceptance?
Self-acceptance starts with questioning harmful standards, limiting comparison, and choosing comfort over constant self-criticism. It’s a daily decision, not a one-time achievement.
