Arranged marriages sound very exciting.

No more emotional problems, just meet someone through family, talk to them, and things will go smoothly. Like a ready-made biryani feeling.

Recently, I had an experience on a phone call with a potential groom, and I realized it was the the exact opposite experience. I didn’t even realize when that one call turned into a horror story for me.

In this post, I will share what happened with me, what you can expect in arranged marriage setups, and how you should handle such situations.

Let’s begin?

1. Initial Impressions

This proposal came through my uncle. He told me, “Disha, there is a vacancy.”

I immediately said, “Tell me, tell me.”

Then he hesitated a little and said, “There is one problem… the boy is dark-skinned.”

I said, “I am also fair-dusky. Even my Vitthal is dusky. What is the problem in that?”

Uncle said, “Okay then. The boy is a director. He has directed a short film that has more than 1M views.”

I felt, good.

At that time, I was doing freelancing in digital marketing, so I thought, wow, my mother has found a great match. We can even work together.

I have a cousin sister who used to get marriage proposals for a long time. I used to sit with her whenever she had calls. So I already had an idea about what people ask, how they behave, and how conversations go.

I found his profile interesting.

After that, my mom checked his Instagram profile. She even liked two or three photos out of admiration, we dint know it is going to take negative turn.

2. The First Call: Immediate Red Flags

In our first call, he directly asked, “Did you send me likes on Instagram?”

I said, “No, that was my mom.”

He said, “Oh… because I have many fans. I thought it was one of them. People do such stupid things.”

Okay. That was your mom.

At that moment, I really felt like hitting his face. But I stayed quiet.

Then I asked him several normal questions:
“What do you like?”
“Hobbies?”
“Passion?”
“Future plans?”

I was genuinely trying to build conversation.

After that, the atmosphere became quiet. He became silent.

Then I asked, “Do you have any questions for me?”

He said, “No, I have seen your biodata. Whatever I wanted to know was in that.”

I felt very strange.

Biodata only contains official information, degree, age, height, family background.

Not a single personal question?
No curiosity?

That was my first slight red flag.

Suddenly, he asked, “You have done BE, right? Then why don’t you work in IT?”

I said, “Because I did BE in E&TC. If I got a core job, I would have done it. I don’t want to join IT.”

He said, “But IT has higher salary.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to do it.”

Then he asked, “Are you afraid of IT? Don’t worry, IT is very simple.”

I again said, “I just don’t want to do it.”

After that, he spent one full hour explaining why IT is the best option for me.

Now see I know IT is not that difficult. And if I want I can move the mountains. But its just not my niche. I love my job, it gives me satisfaction. This is what I want to do.

3. Focus on Domestic Chores

I was literally shocked.

I was thinking maybe I would feel butterflies in my stomach from someone’s words. Some excitement. Some connection.

But this was completely different.

Compared to my cousin’s proposals, this situation felt completely off.

Later that evening, he messaged me.

First question: “Do you know how to cook non-veg?”

I said,“No, I know cooking. But my mother cooks non-veg.”

Then he asked,“Do you know how to make bhakri?”

I said, “No.”

He said,“You will learn. My mother will teach you.”

Okay.

Next question: “What housework can you do?”

I said,“Send me a checklist. I will tick and send back which work I can do.”

At that moment, I couldn’t understand, did he want a wife or a housemaid?

Then I directly asked: “What are your expectations from your wife?”

He replied, "My wife should work, cook at home, and take care of my mother. That’s it.”

I was shocked.

In this entire list, he did not want a wife.
He wanted financial support, emotional support, and work support.

I am not saying these things are not important.

But if these are the only expectations from your future wife…
then maybe you should rethink your mindset and choices.

4. Disregard for Career Choice

I tried to explain many times,“I don’t want to work in IT.”

But he kept thinking only one thing: “IT has more money.”

He did not understand that my dreams were different.

He wanted to pursue his passion and become a director in a creative field.

But when it came to me, he wanted me to just work, preferably in IT.

The most important thing in a partner is support, not compulsion.

If my interest is not in IT, I will do that work like a dead person, just for salary. And I don’t want that life. I am used to giving 100% to my work.

5. Lack of Respect for Time and Value

He had told me, “I will call you tomorrow at 11 AM.”

Guess what? He called at 5 PM.

And I am very punctual about time.

This taken-for-granted behavior registered directly in my mind.

At 5 PM call, I directly said, “Our wavelengths are different. Nothing will work between us.”

He said, “How can you say that? I tried to convince you about IT jobs.”

I said, “You tried. I am not convinced.”

Then he said, “Okay, I will call you tomorrow again to convince you. Now I have to go play football.”

Five-minute call, just to convince me for the stupid IT.
And then football was more important.

That moment made me feel a little bad.

6. Family Pressure and Compromise

Next day, my uncle called and asked, “Disha, what happened?”

I told him everything.

He said,“Disha, you should have also asked whether you know cooking or not.”

I said,“Uncle, this was not a cooking competition. We were looking for a life partner.”

I did not have a problem with his questions.

I had a problem because he only had those kinds of questions for me.

Disha is a good writer.
She does digital marketing.
She has 3 million reads on Quora.

But he only wanted Disha for work?

Just to fulfill one role?

Uncle said,“Beta, you have to compromise.”

I said,“I will compromise. But only for someone who is worth compromising for.”

Not for someone like that.

Then he said something I still remember: “Have you seen yourself? You will have to compromise. Otherwise, no one will marry you.”

(He didn’t use such polite words… but I am using decent language here.)

At that moment, my blood boiled.

But I calmly said, “Uncle, I look at my face every day. I know my complexion. And even with this face and color, I deserve happiness.”

“I don’t know what you think. But I know I will find a respectful partner. If you cannot find that… then don’t search.”

I hung up.

Know Your Worth

Listen to me carefully.

In arranged marriage setups, people will judge you a lot.

How you look.
How you walk.
How you speak.

Everything will be judged.

But if you love yourself even a little,
The moment someone disrespects you, You will stand up for yourself.

If the world doesn’t support you.
If your parents don’t support you.
Don’t leave your own side.

Because if you tolerate disrespect once…
It becomes a pattern.

Once you allow it, it becomes a habit.

I remember Taapsee Pannu said in an interview about her film Thappad that the character only got slapped once. Just once.

And that one slap made her realize that if you accept it today, it will happen again tomorrow.

How many slaps you want to tolerate is your choice.

Understand one thing.

How you look,
Your education,
Your job, these are secondary.

Only one thing matters: You deserve a good life. We all deserve a good life.

Your family may say anything.
Relatives may say anything.
The whole world may say anything.

You deserve respect, love, and dignity.

So please…
Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Okay?

If you want to watch the video version of this story, you can check it out on my YouTube channel. Link is below.