How Low Self-Esteem Can Give You Marriage Trauma

When our self-worth is low, we start depending on others for our happiness.

We start feeling like we are not enough on our own. So we begin expecting someone else to make us feel important. Slowly, we start measuring our worth based on how others treat us.

Sometimes people want others to find them beautiful, even when they themselves feel uncomfortable looking at the mirror.

We start depending on people for our happiness, our confidence, and sometimes even our life decisions.

Today, I want to share a real story regarding the same insecurity.

How Low Self-Esteem Starts Controlling Decisions

I have a friend named Mansi. She is sweet, innocent, hardworking, and one of the kindest people I know. She is the best cook I know. 

Mansi is slightly overweight and has an average appearance, just like many Indian girls. The problem was not her appearance. The problem was her self-esteem.

Her self-esteem was very low. And there were many reasons for that, but her weight was the biggest one.

She was always quiet. In college, at home, everywhere. She had this belief somewhere in her mind that maybe nobody would ever love her or choose her. She was naturally very shy, very soft-spoken.

The Arranged Marriage Meeting That Changed Everything

One day, her family found a potential groom for her.

The boy was much thinner than her.

During their first meeting, the boy said yes.

She was shocked. She couldn’t believe someone could actually choose her. So she also said yes.

Later, when she came near my house for kundli matching, I asked her, “Bhai, what was your criteria for saying yes?”

She told me she said yes just because he said yes.

I told her very honestly, “Babu, this is not a real criteria.”

The boy was not even working at that time. I tried to explain to her that marrying someone without job stability can create problems later. But her mindset was different.

She said, “Disha, in our society, there are very few good matches. Most boys are under-qualified. This boy said yes. I don’t want to lose this opportunity because sometimes boys reject me just by looking at me.”

That moment made me realize how much fear was controlling her decisions.

You Are More Than Your Weight

I could see she had already made up her mind.

I felt helpless because my friend was treating her own weight like a disadvantage.

She told me, “My father is no more. I don’t want to become a burden on my brother.”

This is something many girls are taught while growing up,  that they should not become a burden.

Daughters don't get their own identity, they always use others identity.

But listen carefully. You are not a burden. You are a human being. You have the right to live a happy life.

I told her, “Girl, you are more than your weight. You are a very special person. Please ask questions. Don’t just say yes because of one thing.”

She replied, “Disha, this is how things work in our society. Girls don’t talk much or ask too many questions because we don’t get many marriage proposals in our caste.”

I tried explaining, but she was emotionally very low. Sometimes when someone is emotionally broken, even good advice doesn’t reach them. You feel like you are talking and they are not listening. 

What Happened After Marriage

We attended her wedding. But something felt off.

The body language of her husband and mother-in-law felt very distant.

Three years later, we met again.

She asked me, “Disha, is there anyone in your life?”

I said, “No, not yet.”

She said something very serious: “Please don’t get married.”

I joked, “Yes, you all get married and then tell me not to.”

But she didn't laugh on my jooke. She started crying.

She told me that just 15 days after marriage, her husband started verbally abusing her. He kept accusing her of having affairs. This was completely opposite to her personality, but he kept doubting her.

At that time, she was pregnant.

She was handling housework, family responsibilities, everything. The more she tried to be good, the more she suffered.

Her child became the only reason for her to live in that house. Her husband still doesn’t work properly and spends her money.

Why She Didn’t Leave?

I asked her, “If you were suffering so much, why didn’t you leave in the first 15 days?”

She said, “My brother took loans for my marriage. How could I go back? How could I tell him what I was going through?”

Then she said something that still gives me goosebumps.

She said, “I keep looking at our friends’ social media status. They look so happy. I feel happy for them. But what about me? Am I not worthy? I am living a miserable life. I don’t even have strength to divorce. My life will become worse if I divorce. So I am just living, Disha.”

Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect decisions.
It makes you believe you deserve suffering.

And that is the most dangerous part.

What Low Self-Esteem Does To Life

From the first day I met her, I saw that she always lived for others. She never lived for herself.

And how can someone come out of a bad situation if they don’t believe they deserve better?

That is what low self-esteem does to life.

I had no words at that time. I just tried to comfort her. Healing from emotional trauma takes time.

What Society Teaches (And Why It Is Wrong)

Society constantly makes women feel inferior.

They say:

  • If you don’t marry at a certain age, you will be unhappy.

  • Adjustment is the only solution.

  • You must tolerate everything.

  • Divorce will destroy your life.

  • If you are abused, hide it and cover it up.

This reminds me of Bulbul movie where abuse is normalized and women are told to tolerate it to live a “good life”. To fit in the society. To show off to people that you are living. But this is not true.

You Deserve Better

Your worth is not decided by your face, age, or weight.

It is okay if:

  • You don’t marry at a certain age.

  • You say no to someone even if your family likes them.

  • You choose divorce rather than suffering in a toxic relationship.

Don’t adjust just to make others happy.

Remember, you were born as a human being. So live with respect, happiness, and confidence.

Don’t give too much importance to what others say.

If someone says you look good, just say thank you. Don’t make life decisions based on one compliment.

Take care of yourself. 💛