Dating App Red Flags I Ignored on Hinge (And What It Taught Me About Modern Dating)

                                   

I installed Hinge after a long time.

Now here is what usually happens when I go on Hinge. I install it, I talk to people, I get disappointed, and then I pause my profile and uninstall Hinge.

This has been going on for quite a long time.

But last time when I uninstalled it, I forgot to pause my profile.

So when I installed it again this time, I had 50+ matches on Hinge.

First I was laughing at my own stupidity. Then I started skimming through all these people.

First Impressions on Hinge

One guy wrote, “I would rather choose dogs over humans.”

Well boy, if you really want to choose dogs, why are you matching with a human?

There were a lot of people with no sense of self and no sense of what they were talking about.

Then I saw a profile where the guy mentioned that this year he wanted to learn Bachata.

And the day before that I was trying to learn Bachata, but ladies, that’s not a single dance, that’s a couple dance.

So I went through his profile.

He didn’t feel scary. All his prompts were normal.

So I matched with him.

When It Started Feeling Different

We started talking, and I felt something in my heart.

I felt good. I felt better.

I had never felt this good with a guy before.

Usually I get disappointed with dating apps, but this guy felt like a good person.

Silent. Firm. Understanding. Future-oriented.

At the beginning of our conversation he said:

"See, I want something serious. If you are okay with that, we can continue."

And I felt good hearing that.

The guy was serious and wanted to learn Bachata, that was a bonus.

But wait… it gets interesting.

The Early Signals I Ignored

When we started talking, he said he was looking for a partner. He even said he wanted a wife.

Sometimes he would call me “wifey.”

And I felt happy.

I started opening up and talking to him more.

He was not living here. He was living in the USA, and I am in India, so there was an 8-hour time difference.

I literally made a timetable to talk to him.

In my nighttime.
In the early morning.
In the evening.

I was investing my time and trying to be better at communication.

Do I try this much with others?

No.

I usually just talk however I want.

But for this guy, I was actually learning new things.

And I forgot the most important thing.

Observation.

I was so busy feeling that he was a good person that I forgot to watch how this conversation was affecting me.

So ladies, don’t be me here. Understand patterns and learn from my mistakes.

Red Flag #1 – Subtle Judgments

One day he said: "Disha, you sleep a lot."

He was saying it as a joke, but he said it many times.

Somewhere I felt maybe he was right.

Maybe I do sleep a lot.

But when I talked with my doctor, my doctor said: "Girl, you have hypothyroid. Your levels are fluctuating a lot. That’s why your body behaves differently. Don’t take stress. Take more rest."

And I believed my doctor.

Sometimes people don’t understand the problems you are going through.

Instead of understanding them, they just start giving you solutions.

I didn’t like it.

That was Strike One in Sheldon’s voice.

Red Flag #2 – Unequal Transparency

I got my UGC NET results that day.

The website was taking a lot of time to load, so he said: "Give me your details, I’ll check it."

I said no. I said I would check it myself and tell him tomorrow.

But he was very persistent.

So I gave him the details.

That night while sleeping I suddenly realized something.

I didn’t even know his real name.

I didn’t know his LinkedIn.

I didn’t know his job.

I didn’t know anything.

But he had checked my LinkedIn, he knew about my YouTube channel, my Quora, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my Telegram group.

He knew everything.

And I knew nothing.

I felt like I was getting naked in front of someone who was fully clothed.

I felt so unsafe.

That was Strike Two.

Confusing Signals

The guy used to ask me:

"What do you think about me?"
"What do you feel about me?"

And I would answer honestly.

I said, “You are a good person. I like you.”

But when I asked him the same question, he said:

"I don’t know. I have responsibilities."

And I was confused.

I didn’t ask him to marry me.

I just asked the same question he was asking me.

Later he explained that his friends say “I love you” casually to their girlfriends but they are not loyal.

So he wanted to calculate everything before saying he likes someone.

I didn’t understand that math.

I told him:

"Like doesn’t come from calculation. If you can’t even say this, we shouldn’t be together."

He eventually said it.

But I didn’t know if he meant it.

When Reality Became Clear

Two weeks passed.

He was flirting, calling me wifey, and asking for my pictures.

One day he started talking in more flirty language and I told him to stop.

Then he asked: "Tell me what I can improve in myself."

I told him nothing. 

Because no one wants a performative partner. 

I wanted to know more about him, his story, his childhood, his hobbies.

I want someone to be with me because they genuinely want to be with me.

So I asked him a simple question.

"What is your end goal with me?"

Because my long-term goal is marriage.

And he replied:

"I want to become a billionaire."

The irony is we were not even talking about financial goals.

I also want to build my personal brand, my YouTube, my blog, my job.

But that was not the conversation.

At that moment I understood something.

He was just a child.

He wasn’t ready for something serious, no matter what he claimed.

Why I Walked Away

I understood he was not the one.

I understood he wanted husband benefits without looking at me like a real partner.

I understood he would keep me busy with unnamed emotions and confusion.

And that would slowly make me question my own worth.

So I walked away.

I told him:

"All the best. I’m closing this here. Let’s not talk anymore. We are different people."

He asked if we could stay friends.

I said no.

He was still in my Telegram group.

But I didn’t say anything.

I deleted his number.

And I moved on.

Standing Up for Myself

For the first time, I stood up for myself.

I ended it because I didn’t want mixed signals.

I didn’t want to hope for something that had no direction.

I didn’t want a commitment-phobic partner.

And I finally realized something important.

I can say no when I want to.

But the story doesn’t end here.

Something else was waiting for me.

Something much bigger.

You can read the second part of this story here.