Do Women Wear Makeup for Validation? Questioning What We Assume About Women

First, let me clear something up

A lot of my followers have been telling me that my thinking is very similar to Acharya Prashant.

Honestly, I had not watched much of his content before people started telling me this.

I knew who he was. That's it.

Then I kept hearing it from people, so eventually I came across one of his reels and watched it.

And before I say anything else, I want to clear this up.

I am not Acharya Prashant.

And I don't want to be him.

Maybe some of my thoughts overlap with his. That's possible. He can have his own thinking. I can have mine. And people can agree with either of us.

That's normal.

What I don't agree with is this habit we have developed of taking someone's opinion and treating it like the final truth.

Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean they are right about everything.

Just because someone has millions of followers doesn't mean you have to agree with them.

And just because someone speaks with a lot of confidence doesn't mean what they are saying is automatically true.

I haven't studied all of Acharya Prashant's work, so I am not going to sit here and give you an opinion about his entire philosophy.

I am talking about one particular video I came across.

And that video made me think.

Let's talk about the makeup argument

In the video, he talks about girls who wear makeup.

The argument was basically that women who do makeup are somehow doing it for validation. That they are trying to create outer beauty because they don't have enough inner beauty.

And I genuinely sat there thinking...

Who the fuck told you that girls do makeup for other people?

Seriously.

Why is that always the assumption?

A girl puts on makeup and suddenly we have to find out what insecurity is hiding underneath it.

Maybe she just likes makeup.

Maybe she likes experimenting.

Maybe she likes colours.

Maybe she likes getting ready.

Maybe she is going to a wedding.

Maybe she makes makeup content.

Maybe she just likes looking pretty.

Maybe she looks in the mirror after doing her eyeliner and thinks, damn, I look good.

Why is that explanation not enough?

Why does everything a woman does have to come with some psychological explanation?

Makeup is not proof that someone is insecure

This idea that women who wear makeup are insecure and women who don't wear makeup are confident is honestly so strange to me.

How do you know?

You see a woman without makeup and decide she's comfortable with herself.

You see another woman with a full face of makeup and decide she's hiding her insecurities.

You don't know either of them.

You are just looking at their faces and making a story in your head.

And I think we do this a lot with women.

We see what a woman is wearing.

We see how much makeup she has on.

We see how she behaves.

And suddenly we think we know what is going on inside her head.

We don't.

A woman can wear makeup and have amazing self-esteem.

Another woman can never wear makeup and still hate herself.

Both things can exist.

Some women do makeup because they feel insecure. Yes.

That happens.

But that doesn't mean every woman who enjoys makeup is secretly unhappy with herself.

Sometimes people just enjoy things.

I wish we could leave it there.

And what if she actually wants attention?

This is the part I really want to ask.

Let's say a woman actually does want attention.

So what?

Let's say she puts on makeup because she wants someone to think she is beautiful.

What's wrong with that?

If I am going on a date and I want the person I like to find me attractive, am I suddenly shallow?

If I put on lipstick because I know it looks good on me, does that mean I have no inner beauty?

If I spend an hour getting ready because I enjoy looking good, does that mean I hate myself?

No.

I can love myself and still want to look pretty.

I can be confident and still enjoy makeup.

I can know my worth and still care about my appearance.

These things are not opposites.

And honestly, sometimes makeup is just fun.

There doesn't have to be a trauma behind the lipstick.

Sometimes a girl just likes lipstick.

That's it.

This is where the argument becomes bigger than makeup

Now, someone might say, “Disha, you're taking this too seriously. It's just an opinion about makeup.”

Maybe if we look at that one statement alone, it does sound small.

But ideas don't always stay small.

That's what bothers me.

When we keep connecting a woman's appearance with male attention, validation and attraction, we slowly create a bigger way of thinking.

And eventually, the woman's appearance becomes part of the explanation for someone else's behaviour.

We've seen this so many times.

A woman gets harassed.

Someone asks what she was wearing.

A woman gets assaulted.

Someone asks why she was out so late.

A woman talks to a man.

Someone says she was being too friendly.

A woman gets hurt.

Suddenly everyone wants to know what she did.

What was she wearing?

Where was she?

Why was she there?

Was she drinking?

Why did she trust him?

Why was she talking to him?

Why are we so interested in investigating the woman?

Why don't we ask the same questions about the person who actually chose to hurt her?

Why did he do it?

Why did he think he had the right to touch her?

Why did he ignore her boundaries?

Why did he continue when she said no?

Why did he think her clothes meant she wanted something?

These are the questions I want us to ask.

And no, I am not saying someone talking about makeup directly causes sexual violence.

That would be ridiculous.

I am saying that the way we talk about women can create a larger culture where women are constantly made responsible for managing other people's behaviour.

And I don't think that's okay.

Wanting to look good doesn't give anyone permission

This should honestly not even need to be explained.

A woman can want attention and still not want to be touched.

She can wear a short dress and still say no.

She can wear makeup because she wants to look beautiful and still have complete control over her body.

She can flirt with someone and then change her mind.

She can go on a date and still not want anything physical.

Wanting to look attractive is not consent.

Wanting attention is not consent.

Flirting is not consent.

Makeup is not consent.

Clothes are not consent.

I think we need to stop mixing these things together.

A woman's intention and another person's behaviour are two completely different things.

Even if she wanted someone to notice her, that does not give that person permission to cross her boundaries.

Why are women always told to become smaller?

This is something that really frustrates me.

Women are constantly taught how to behave so that nothing bad happens to them.

Don't wear that.

Don't go there.

Don't come home late.

Don't drink too much.

Don't trust strangers.

Don't be too friendly.

Don't post too many pictures.

Don't look too attractive.

Don't give the wrong impression.

And yes, women should be careful.

I am not saying we should walk around thinking the world is completely safe.

It isn't.

But there is a difference between telling women to be careful and telling women that they are responsible for somebody else's behaviour.

Those are two completely different things.

I don't want women to spend their entire lives calculating how attractive they are allowed to look.

How friendly they are allowed to be.

How late they are allowed to stay outside.

How much attention they are allowed to receive.

Because someone else might behave badly.

At some point, we also have to teach people to control themselves.

We have to teach people that another person's body is not theirs to access.

We have to teach people that a woman's appearance doesn't give them permission.

My problem isn't actually with Acharya Prashant

I want to make this clear because I don't want this to turn into some stupid “Disha versus Acharya Prashant” thing.

That's not what I'm interested in.

He is allowed to have his opinion.

I am allowed to disagree with it.

His followers are allowed to agree with him.

That's how a normal society works.

My bigger problem is with how we consume opinions.

Someone becomes popular.

They speak confidently.

They have millions of followers.

They sound intelligent.

And suddenly people stop questioning them.

Someone says something.

We repeat it.

Another person says something.

We repeat that too.

We don't even stop and ask ourselves whether we actually believe it.

Please don't make anyone your guru

And I mean this for myself too.

Don't read my blog and blindly believe everything I say.

Please don't.

If something I write makes sense to you, take it.

If something doesn't make sense, question it.

If you disagree with me, disagree with me.

I would much rather have someone disagree with me after actually thinking about what I said than agree with me because they think I am supposed to know everything.

Because humans can be wrong.

Intelligent people can be wrong.

Spiritual teachers can be wrong.

Influencers can be wrong.

And yes, I can be wrong too.

Maybe I'll write something today and six months later I'll learn something that changes my opinion.

That's okay.

Changing your mind doesn't mean you are stupid.

Sometimes it means you finally learned something new.

Use your own brain

I think this is the part we desperately need right now.

We need to stop looking for people who can tell us what to think.

Listen to people.

Read books.

Watch different perspectives.

Follow people you agree with.

Follow people you disagree with.

Learn.

Argue.

Think.

And then come back to yourself.

Ask yourself what you actually believe.

You don't have to hate someone because you disagree with them.

You also don't have to worship someone because you admire them.

You can simply say, “I respect you, but I don't agree with you on this.”

That's enough.

Because the whole point of consuming content should be to become better at thinking.

Not to find someone who can do the thinking for you.

Your brain belongs to you.

Don't outsource it.